In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
