NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
