I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
