operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
