@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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