She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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