he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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