you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
