I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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