When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
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Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
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Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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