She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
