Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
