even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
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Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
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Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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