Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
