Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
