Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
