too bad you live with your parents still
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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