he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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