so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
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He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
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Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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