watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize