on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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