im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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