I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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