Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
