I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
