So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
