i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
