Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
