you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
