He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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