Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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