Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
