Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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