just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
