I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
