If that was your dad, he is hot
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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