I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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