did you get engaged???
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
