I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
