so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
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