Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
