Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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