I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
