When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
