We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
