i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
