She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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