I don't usually arrange sex via text message
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
