we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
