how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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