Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
