so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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