mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
