you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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