Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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