I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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