whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
