this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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