I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
