Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
