everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
