I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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