I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I still have a little drunk in my system
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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