that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
