if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
