Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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