ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
