Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
