Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
