just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
