You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
