Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
