OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
