i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
