why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
