god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
