Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
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